Two-Gun Bob and the Mysteries of Lost Hills

It was among friends at a dinner party for exceptional professionals that the topic first arose. Gentlern Rudael was discussing a recent trip he had undertaken to the Northern reaches of Ontario when he mentioned a queer experience he had when his car broke down while travelling near Hearst. Despite his ample income, he had retained an odd affection for his first and only car, an unremarkable blue 1992 Toyota Corolla station wagon. Despite the objections of his family, he routinely used the aging vehicle for his frequent sojourns to the Northern reaches of the province for his studies of wildlife behavioural patterns.

During this particular trip in the early spring of last year, which I'm sure you remember as being frightfully cold and unforgiving even as far South as Toronto, the trans-Canada highway near Kapuskasing was still covered in sheets of snow and ice and is a lonely and hazardous stretch even in the best of times. Gentlern had known the dangers of the road well in advance, but would not delay his going any longer than he already had, as having recently graduated from his master's program at the prestigious University of Toronto, he was eager to return to the work he had started as a young apprentice under the tutelage of the controversial animal behaviorist Frank Mowat.

While stopped for gas and a hot drink in the small town of Hearst, Gentlern overheard some locals talking angrily about a large number of livestock disappearing near Shannon lake north of town. Curiously, he inquired as to the nature of the disappearances as it bore relation to his studies of Coyote/Wolf hybrids in the region, but with one glance the locals dismissed him as an interloper from the city and in a gruff fashion told him to leave. Despite his slim build, Gentlern was no pushover but also had no intention of escalating unnecessary tensions, so he calmly exited the restaurant and went back to his car. His curiosity aroused by the intensity of the situation, he resolved to take a detour along some of the backroads to see if he could gather any kind of information that might further his theory of changing wildlife behavioural patterns.

Although little used, the gravel road leading to the lake was surprisingly passable given the season, and he was almost at the lake when his car began revving irregularly and shortly thereafter ceased propulsion in a sudden and violent spasm of smoke. Although it was only a brisk -5 celsius outside, being late afternoon and with dusk approaching the temperature would quickly plummet to frightful temperatures. Being a hardy and disciplined man, Gentlern did not panic, but set out on foot to an abandoned cabin that he had passed only a few kilometers back. Rather than be filled with the terror that a typical man might feel at his current predicament, he was genuinely happy to be alone outdoors and away from the insipid internet culture that plagued his time in the city. With an air of confidence and a lungful of crisp air unspoiled by the fumes of machinery, he reached the cabin just before sundown. It was fairly rundown and had some odd scratches on the door, but the roof was sturdy and the walls would serve to keep the wind off for the night.

While foraging for firewood, Gentlern noticed some unusual tracks in the snow by the edge of the clearing that surrounded the cabin. Despite his years of animal studies, he could not tell what creature had made them. They appeared to be made by something quadrapedal, but their size suggested nothing smaller than a bear, and yet not one of them contained the fifth toe that distinctly demarcates an ursine. This disquieting discovery had Gentlern slightly on edge, but equally curious. With the winds picking up and light almost faded, he retreated to the cabin and decided to investigate the matter further in the morning.

Despite his fatigue and the late hour, Gentlern could not find sleep. A fierce storm had blown in overnight, and was pelting the frail little structure with all the might and fury of the northern forest, but despite its age, the cabin held firmly against the weather. Sometime past midnight the forest erupted in a chorus of wild howls so loud that it was as if every tree had grown a voice and was screaming its displeasure. Having extensively studied coyotes and wolves, Gentlern recognized the canine vocal patterns, but these howls had a depth of sonic range that not even the largest wolf could possibly produce. At this point being both terribly frightened and absolutely intrigued, his strong sense of curiosity won out, and he decided to open the door to see if he could catch a glimpse of the wildlife that were making such powerful sounds. Just as he got to the door and even as he had a hold of the handle, his blood stopped cold by a sudden and violent scratching at the outside of the door.

To be continued...

Exit Strategy

It is curious how easy it is to slip into old routines when returning home after so much excitement and stimulation. One of my last posts here was so lucid about a need for me to make some important life decisions and listed a few good options. Clearly I should listen to myself (and my family) more than I am wont to do.

Since my last entry I spent a month in Thailand as an escape from the seemingly never-ending cold of last winter, got promoted to official full-time work status and transferred to a location in North York, bought a beautiful new car and re-kindled a musical relationship that was always full of promise but never seemed to deliver any tangible successes.

After a pretty miserable birthday forced me to reflect on some of my choices in life, I made some very important decisions that I've been unable to make for years. Had I only re-read my own blog (public diary?) perhaps it would've opened my eyes to myself, but I tend to do things the hard way first. The unhappiness had been building in me for a long time, but came readily to a head as birthdays now tend to force a reflection of where you're at vs. where you want to be and where you're headed. I'm a very lucky guy and have a great supportive family that are helping me actualize my plans for a positive forward-thinking exit strategy.

It is amazing how much I can consciously forget, yet have it remain boiling deep down in my psyche. My exit plan for the BS is to save up money for the next 6-8 months by selling my car and living frugally. During this phase I will attend French classes and hopefully become relatively fluent by the time I move to France for 6-12 months where I will work to become fully fluent. To support myself there I will either homestay with a French family, work in a hostel or cafe, teach English, or perhaps even volunteer at a farm in exchange for room and board. With the money that I've saved up I will take weekend/weeklong trips throughout Europe satiating my travel bug while providing stimulating subject matter for photography. Depending on how graduate school applications go and whether or not a French girl steals my heart, I would most likely return to Canada in the fall of 2015, eventually seeking work in social policy or social work, perhaps in some capacity for the government or a university.

A lot of tough work lies ahead, but I finally feel prepared to make those bold steps, and accomplishments stem from taking step after step and not letting small setbacks falter your determination.

Healthfulness, intellectual and social improvement, artistic expression, professionalism, life experience, happiness... these are my goals.

Rebels

Welcome to 2014,

The calendar changes and so for some reason the arctic winds decided to come down and celebrate? I can't remember the last time it dropped to -20 C in Toronto. Biking to work was a little bit frosty, but wrapped up properly it actually wasn't that bad. My heart went out to all those people on the fringes though, it was not a good stretch to be living in poverty.

Paradise?

I think that Canadian high schools should teach a how to live in Canada course: how to dress properly for cold weather, why winter tires will probably save your life, samples of balanced diets, etiquette for interacting with strangers, where garbage goes (hint: not the floor), the benefits to covering your mouth when you cough and/or staying home to rest when sick, etc... It never ceases to amaze me how many people don't know the basics of living here.

My friend sold me an old film camera and some lenses that also fit my digital camera, and I love the image quality they produce. Having a prime lens is awesome for super shallow depth of field (f-stop 1.8!) and also for forcing me to move around to really think about composing the shot. He also lent me a book called 'Under The Wire' about a war correspondent photojournalist that has helped open my eyes to the reality of situations far away that I'd let myself stay distant from (the recent Syrian and Libyan civil wars).

I recorded a new song and posted it here: http://willmills.bandcamp.com/  I'm very happy with the result, and mic'ing the drums wasn't as hard as I'd anticipated. The mixing is improving, and I'm happy with the progression in my songwriting. I'm aiming to release a full album late this year. It's not a new year's resolution, it's a goal that I've had for a long time but until now haven't felt good enough.