Possibilities Unknown

Due to possibilities previously unknown, I have learned that I shall venture out of this soggy city to the glory of the snow-ridden lands north of Sault Ste. Marie in the coming days. We will extract sweet syrup from trees and travel at high speeds on vehicles capable of traversing the harsh landscape. I shall witness winter at last, just before it all melts to the march of warm sun. I crave to experience a proper accumulation of snow, and make good use of my warm sleeping bag. A long car-ride with friends towards friends long unseen, and all is well.

Train Station

I was just on my way to taking care of some freshly fried spring rolls, when I decided to detour and check out the new playstation Vita handheld. I'm always curious about new video game technology, and the hardware on display was very fine. The screen looked great, the games I demoed ran smoothly and crisply, and the touchscreen worked like a gem. The disappointment for me is the price tag combined with the lack of interesting launch titles, plus the bogus proprietary memory card cashgrab. Getting a new system with a decent memory card and one game ($50-60) would push the cost to near $400 CDN. I'm not convinced that this system will do well in this day and age, where GTA III can be had on your phone for $5... 

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9gwj0vlHGM
Caribou- The Barn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOwWVafDkdg
Beirut - Guyamas Sonora (music video)

Steak and Tomatoes

I've returned from my nocturnal habits, and have rejoined the sun-worshipping gang. We will bid good-day soon, and salute the coming of the moon with nods of refreshing beverages. Last night a duel of forkmachines was had over possession of a highly sought after motion simulator. It was unclear who was the victor, but the clash of metal was worthy of a show.

If you click on the machine, it gets bigger.

Words that combine to make any kind of sense elude me at the moment. I feel like my legs and back have been taken away from me and replaced by those from an old man. These aging hands will try to swing around on some strings after a good meal of steak and tomatoes. 

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=YAAmYe6Qfd0
Pixies - Planet of Sound (fan video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZd0GJYKwzY&feature=related
Violent Femmes - Please Do Not Go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVpir5vSA78&feature=related
UFFIE - Difficult (music video)

Tidal Moons

Massive waves of tidal moons have affected my planetary sleep cycle, causing disturbances to my typical patterns of sleep. Hot caffeinated beverages have temporarily propped up consciousness, enabling extended voyages beyond the general workday, but several physical ailments have popped up as a result. Our medical team will assess the damage after another sortie into the subterranean night. All lunar vehicles have been dispatched from the caverns, but the clean-up process is still underway. Incredible piles of materials have been laid to waste, but my weakened state has rendered me unable to salvage too many components. This orbit will be complete in t-minus thirteen hours. ~~Transmission over.
________________________________________________________________

Planetary landscape photo by brother, between Korea and China (2012)

Clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-Vq27GkoZU&feature=related

Real Estate - Green Aisles (live)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOKnFQfS7yE&feature=fvwrel

Gandharvas - Downtime

The Search Continues

The search for terrestrial landing locations has begun. This spacecraft has lost all sense of control and its magnetic compass has been malfunctioning for some time. It appears that, due to some electrical interference, our orbit has been clinging to the lower atmosphere of a planet called Toronto. Radio contact has been established with an undetermined source, and is hailing us a landing zone in the upper College st. area. Noodle soup establishments and hipster coffee joints have been picked up by our scanners. Neither look very threatening, but closer inspections of the broth consistency will reveal this to be true, or perhaps another electrical malfunction. Strange bean sandwich locations have also been detected nearby. It seems that they punish the beans for their high fibre content by squishing them into balls and dunking them in hot oil. The indigenous residents may be more dangerous than they first appear. We will have to be very cautious when approaching them. A steady stream of amplified signals might be required to stave off an invasion, and to keep our spacecraft safe until a new orbit is charted. Over and out.
_______________________________________________________________________

Two dudes outside the Monarch

Donkey Kong Country has been on my mind for a few days, but I've resisted the urge. Collecting bananas was never so fun. Last night Bass and Teddy were spinning some illmatic tunes over at the Monarch Tavern, tucked in behind the shenanigans of College st. hooligans. Some excellent mid-80's dance moves were on display, and I got to hit up the women's bathroom after hitting my friend in the head with the door of the men's bathroom. Don't worry ladies, I lifted the seat and returned it to sitting position afterwards. Some debates were had about the best way to reverse the dismal slide of our hometown hockey team, including firing the coach and finding a goalie that knows how to stop pucks. These debates did not take place in the women's bathroom.

Righteous hair day before the flop got chopped

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpqm-05R2Jk&feature=related
The Avalanches - Since I Left You (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49esza4eiK4
Justice - D.A.N.C.E (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCHTX_pgw6A&feature=related
BADBADNOTGOOD - Jazzed up Zelda tunes (Title theme, Saria's song, Song of Storms)

Rabdog the Mouseman

I've had a snippet of a tune with vocal harmonies locked in my head for a good part of the day, but I can't figure out what it's called. There's not even enough of it stuck there to hum it out so other people can help me. It's a song from the 90's, and I'm sure I haven't heard it for awhile, so it's hard to tell why it got popped in to my brain now. I had my dog out for a walk after getting home late from work. Upon entering the children's playground, he scampered around at full-speed running an imaginary obstacle course and barking in all directions at nothing in particular. I want to film it some day. A seventy-pound goof that sounds like a cross between a pterodactyl and a mouse, looks sort of like a weird old man (with a wise beard that will deceive you), plus he moves like a rabbit.

Bat Dog and a Miniature Roco

Clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8Desz_A90Y

Radiohead - Talk Show Host (live at Glastonbury 2003)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoUvWiko27A&feature=related

Yuck - Get Away (live) --these dudes look so bored and some kind of british version of emo, but the tune is pretty grimy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dx3jica-A4g

Everclear - Local God

Mysteries of madness

I won't call it a complete waste of time, because I was excited for a day about who would possibly message me a time/place to meet and not allow me to ask who it was, or what is was about. It really would've been more interesting if I actually found out who it was though. Or would it? Now I can remain curious until the next big mystery in my life, like: "where is that other sock?" and "why does my dog sound like a pterodactyl?".  Was it someone who reads my blog anonymously and wanted me to try the yelp-hyped coffee? It was pretty good, although I can't say that it was high above the standard of the many other dope coffee joints around. The baristas were nice and the atmosphere was pretty funky. I brought my leather fighting gloves / old man driving gloves, but didn't need them because a) it was too warm for them b) I wasn't driving and c) I wasn't fighting. Did someone read my online dating site profile and decide to check me out in person (and shit, if so, is it that easy to get my real non-persona information)?. Was I being scoped out for a secret society of mischievous and stealthy ninjas? I was hoping it would be a lady-friend of mine from distant lands, who was due to be in town around now, but that doesn't seem to be very likely (I've been blacklisted from contact). Was it the girl who I walked home from the horseshoe the other week and who I inadvertently text-sabotaged her date a couple of nights ago because I didn't realize she was on one (kingshit). Maybe it's CSIS building a file on me for my anti-Rob Ford/Stephen Harper attitudes. Too bad they can't can me from my blogging job since I don't make squat from this.

by Dan Hipp (mrhipp.tumblr.com)

Tonight Sabez gets together for more fine-tuning at a secretive location. The above illustration is based on Princess Mononoke, a masterpiece of imagination by Hayao Miyizaki. His damn fine brain-child Studio Ghibli has a new movie out called The Secret Life of Arriety, which I haven't managed to watch yet. If you've never heard of any of this, and have any kind of appreciation for animation, spiritualism, imagination etc... do yourself a favor.

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cy8uHfnxQM8&feature=related
BADBADNOTGOOD - The Odd Future Sessions pt 2 (four Tyler, the creator songs)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkWWWKKA8jY
Princess Mononoke (trailer)

BBNG

Another day without you
In my fucking way
How did I ever see you in that way
Ever before
How did we ever join our ways
Before this was done

Another day without you
In my goddamn way
They say it's all good
Chase it away
You've noticed I've been
Colourful in my way
For a time I was blown away
Guess what? I would sing
I would go down and say
Am I now better off this way?

Angry, lonely
Still I broke away
I say go away
I'm happier today
You turned away
I sighed to be me
Today, I am free
The confines that you make
I see, I believe that
They're gone from me
_______________________________________________________________

Today I had planned to go ice fishing with my bud, but decided yesterday that I would rather just hang around and do laundry and other exciting stuff. Then I got a cryptic skype message from an unknown source asking me to meet at a cafe today at 3pm. I tried to respond "for a drink or a duel?" but the person was on and offline like a ninja text assassin. I have a feeling I know who it is, but only time will tell. I wanted to go that way anyways today, to Steve's music to check out a small tube preamp/sound card to record some of my solo stuff with a better setup. I don't trust craigslist for electronics, so I'm going full retail today. Sneaky Dee's had 1/2 price fajitas yesterday, so I fulfilled a late night craving for hearty eats that way. They're open really late and you can stuff two people full of steak for $10 total (on Tuesdays).

BBNG Rotten Decay (photo by Connor Olthuis)

Musically, I've gone on a BADBADNOTGOOD binge, like most of the rest of the hip people in this city (I'm not claiming to be one of them). They're a smooth operating jazz trio that covers a lot of good old-school hip-hop tracks, and have collaborated with Tyler, the creator for some hot sessions. They have a style of jazz that doesn't come off as pretentious or show-offy, and fuses the right elements of pop culture with the technicality of jazz. They are exploding here right now, and soon enough will be taking over the whole musical world.

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_Bdflm7YHo
BADBADNOTGOOD - The Odd Future Sessions Part One (live)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIvmwIyynbo&feature=related
BADBADNOTGOOD - The World is Yours (Nas cover) / Brooklyn Zoo (ODB cover)

Wake up in a dream

Before my morning bacon I recorded a new acoustic ditty, a sloppy number on an empty stomach. We all know how first meals sooth the pains of waking. The other night I had a nice dream, where a beautiful angel in a white dress that I didn't recognize was lying on top of me, kissing me. I hastily opened my eyes, because I didn't remember taking a woman to bed, but she faded away as I did so. I like angels. They're so sneaky.

Dark Ninja

Youtube wouldn't let me upload just the audio of my whining, so the situation pushed me to finally cobble together footage I took while in the Philippines (Visayas, 2010) into a montage video. Starring Luccidore, Broseph, Papa, Kirsten, Kenny B, and including me.

Check it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b62gesRB4kk&feature=youtu.be
Philippines Music Video Montage

Yesterday was an excellent craigslist bandit day; one of my unused flanger pedals got traded for a bass guitar, and I scooped up an excellent pair of binoculars with 10x magnification from an elderly widow named Marguerite. She seemed to quite enjoy my company (or maybe was just a really good saleswoman) because I ended up leaving short thrice the money I intended to, with a bunch of stuff I didn't plan on buying. A gangster grandpa dinner jacket fit me perfectly, and as Shawniqwa said, makes me age 60 years when I wear it. I also snapped up two fine pairs of leather driving gloves. Now I have to mull over an offer of a bow and arrow trade for one of my electric guitars. Why do we even bother with shopping malls? We had it right before, bartering is much more fun.

Tonight is Drink & Destroy at the Crawford featuring two hot bands for $5:
Pow Wows - http://powwows.bandcamp.com/
The Leslie Spits - http://soundcloud.com/thelesliespits

Clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HWcViTXdYc
Real Estate - It's Real (music video)

Bleakly Weekly

fading out like daylight

as it's chased by the moon

we all hope that our day

will be upon us soon

but snags and rocks 

have got us caught

beneath the surface dangers

here we go, saved again

by honest forest rangers

I wonder if you've ever heard

of anything that's stranger?

__________________________________________________________

This damn city doesn't ever stop drinking. Nobody seems to know anything about returning empty bottles either. Here's a thought: don't rush the door with a bag full of mixed shit right when a joint opens, and don't bang on the door with a dirty grin after a place has closed. I don't care if you are too stupid to realize that a holiday means that I get one too, and hence you should plan ahead. I have no mercy on people who always want favours, especially when I'm tired. Niggle me this, but is it only in my store that people feel cool to drop their garbage everywhere on the floor? When you go in to the bank, do you drop your nasty rotting bag of filth right there on the ground beside the clerk? Or when you buy a pizza, do you bring the box back complete with cigarette butts and piss stains? You're damn right I'm laughing at you when you bring that trash after I'm closed and you're faced with the dilemma of whether or not to drag that puke back home to stew and ferment for a couple more days. /tired.

In other news, my luck with buying big ugly stomp boxes has continued, this time with a Maxon OD-820. Such a nasty green colour and way too big, but it slays bass tone and crunches up guitars like the Iron Giant. I just might let you hear a sample some time. 

"When you work as hard as me, then you can talk" - Joke Slayer

Clips from 1994:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhYgeGT_vcU

The Offspring - Genocide 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L6wdRHQHPM

Rancid - Salvation (music video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx96WN5IdtA

Green Day - When I Come Around (music video)

X Hands

The metal show last night was bomb. The boys from Ottawa had a wicked old-style metal groove thing going, I could definitely hear that they've listened to a lot of Black Sabbath, Kyuss and Motorhead. A bunch of cool dudes to boot, they gave me a patch, so I guess I need to make myself a patch jacket. I always considered myself a punk in disguise though, it's more fun when people assume I'm a square. Or some kind of a rectangle or trapezoid. You can't find my angles, monkey. We got a nice surprise last night because heavy Cambridge sludge dudes Greber headlined the shit out of that show. I got right close to mr. bassman (Marc), who nailed his tones with constant POG action. I could never get that pedal to sound good, but he slayed it. He didn't seem to like his stomp boxes much, or maybe he thought they were called spit boxes, because he kept on spitting on them. I thought he spat on my at one point, that filthy fucker (a good guy), but it was just his nasty headsweat that flung off his skull towards my face.

Greber in action at the 460 (Feb 2012)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Am7oKBD3PU&feature=youtu.be
Henry & Aaron - It's a snap
If you like this Aussie insanity, check out their webisodes: http://www.henryandaaron.com/

Hometown Heroin album cover

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuJSBojn4Gc
Greber - Die Pietro (live)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkwxBU9_so0
Rocky Business - Rocky's Theme (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvU1qc2kmdQ&feature=related
Fuck The Facts - Wake (music video)

"Is that a cold sore? No, it's ketchup"

Man Refrains

There's this ghoul, there's this lane

this law's in place, this fuck refrains

the strip of sin it lets it in

said ghoul twists and shouts, ahh, it's all out

if mom found out I'd be dead meat man

be dead meat man

this boy quite young gun aha aha aaaha

this boy the youngest gun

man so refined, he's on my mind

weird hardened stares and 'c' hairs
(Adreeanno Luccidorino)

UK Pavilion at World Expo 2010 (inside)

The newspaper reading has gotten away from me for the past week or so, so I'm pretty out of the loop of what's new according to the corporate manufacturing system of newsworthiness. I assume Rob Ford is still a douchebag, this world still spins on it's tilted axis and the weather is unseasonably warm here but frigid in Eastern Europe. Or somethings like it. A new Portuguese resto opened up at the tip of my street, and sold me a fine greasy breakfast for a cool $5 flat, complete with constant attention from the nice waitress. I have a feeling that the place won't be around too long, but so long as I fault Billy's Souvlaki for poisoning me (its more likely that I just caught the flu), I'll be making it my go to for a lazy and unhealthy morning face-stuffing.

UK Pavilion at World Expo 2010 (outside)

Tonight:
Swarm of Spheres is playing a gig at the 460 (College & Spadina), 10pm-ish. Heavy stoner rock/sludge with Black Sabbath-y sounds. Very cool. Come check it out with me and the boys. 

http://swarmofspheres.bandcamp.com/

Clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoxXKKQYJYQ

The Jesus Lizard - Mouth Breather

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgbsjbP89eQ

Swarm of Spheres - Brokeass Mountain/HIV for Vendetta (live)

Absence

Riding home
triumphantly tired
lame and feeble
Percolating thoughts
of comfort and food
Eating my energy
with renewed purpose

Vague ideas
of planned escapes
fall breathlessly from my face
Fading with each breath
Towards sanctuary
______________________________________________________________________

WANTED: This guy, for writing weird stuff and posting it online.

My sickness finally left me, only to see myself sprung into another kind of energy draining situation. I regret not having the energy to blog out to you fellas yesterday, but priorities like downing a can of beer after a 12 hour work day had enveloped my attention. I wrote the above poem during my subway ride home, and meant to post it in lieu of a more coherent text, but lacked the focus to do so. I noticed some pretty ladies noticing me secretively out of the corner of their eye. It was probably because I smelled like a dirty construction worker and it was Valentine's day. So of course I went home to drink brews with my bros and watch the leafs get decimated by a team with a superior goaltender. I must be some kind of a masochist to be a leafs fan. Shit hurts.

A craving for some donkey kong hit me earlier, but now I'm stupid tired and just want to vege out in my stench.

The less glamorous backside of the great local automotive showcase

"Watching that makes me want to shoot myself in the left cheek" -Meesh

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjpHzLYHkwA
1991 Japanese SNES Zelda commercial (absurd)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBft8qY6caE&feature=related
Quantic - Not So Blue (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwKkygYYi-M
Unkle - Rabbit in Your Headlights (music video)

Curb Your Social Assasin

Midday and no loogies yet. Mom would be so proud. I've been on a bit of a antiques shop/craigslist binge lately, and might have a new axe to grind soon. I'm a sucker for things old and Japanese or German, I'm positively sure I told you guys (gals?) already. Right now I've got my eyes on a pair of WW2 German 10x50 binoculars, might trade my Ibanez flanger pedal for another bass (why not?), and the big momma catch is an early 1980's Ibanez Roadster II RS 440 guitar. The bridge system of locking nuts makes it a complete bitch to change strings, but it looks, feels and sounds dead sexy. It would perfectly compliment my old woman of a 2x12 amp. Good thing I don't have a lady friend to yell at me for spending all my money on old shit. I swear I'm also getting rid of things too. Anybody out there want an Ibanez BTB 400QM bass ($375 with hardshell case) or a fender 300 watt BXR bass amp ($250)? The amp is loud enough to shake the walls of your school. Maybe loud enough that Whitney will be able to hear you and sing along (/distasteful?). Ahh shit sorry, this isn't youtube. Whatever. Offer me some cool ass trades, and I just might bite. Out with the new, in with the old. Oh wait, you're all too afraid to comment, even when I write some inciting trash just to try and goad commentary. I'm just that kind of prick.
Part of binging on partying all weekend involved trying to recover enough to do it all again, so we watched a lot of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yes. Awkward humor is my favourite kind, because you're cringing and laughing all at once. Lawrence Gene David you are a righteous dude.

I'm a bad photographer, but I really like optics, lenses and filters

"These pants are so liberating. With no pockets you can go out without a cellphone or a wallet. You just stuff a bit of money in your shoe and off you go" - Bump

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbXLp2z6xL4
Dangermouse - Encore (mashup music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewc1hixzYPY&feature=related
Madvillain - All Caps (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaVVZYOvMFY
Andy Timmons - Cry For You

Beers in the fridge don't stand a chance

180 beers later and today is the productive day? Ben Bass' doppelganger has been with us this weekend, and he brought some fine Loko's from NYC. 12% goodness and smells like watermelon. I've been trying to keep my illness to myself, so didn't partake in the awesomeness, but everyone assured me that I was missing out. Recording live off the floor through headphones is hot. It's how I imagined recording should be; capturing the live experience, while having isolated inputs so mistakes can be fixed on an individual basis. Not that we fuck up much. I swear. I actually swear a lot, and it's not my best habit.

I was pissed this morning that the Dutch girls who sell Danish pastries were AWOL. I want to wake up from a slumber to sweets and coffee. It's a good thing I still remember my secret recipe for caramelizing maple syrup on bacon. Sorry ladies, your delicious services may no longer be needed.
My new/old Yamaha solid state amp still sounds sexy in the light of morning, and Meesh wants to buy it off me for extra dough, but my hard on for things old and Japanese won't allow it. He can drive her hard anytime he wants, but she's all mine otherwise.

I like the lights more than I like The Arkells

"If you ever masturbate me, after I'm done, I'll be really upset"
"Hey guys, when he comes back, I'm going to surprise him with my nutsack"
What politician wins in a political deathmatch of fisticuffs?

And other awesomeness.

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd_W_x3nclY
Aesop Rock - Daylight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7RvkMzhX_o
Genelec and Memphis Reigns - Sunwheel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9VYzNUXGDA
Dr. Octagon - Blue Flowers (music video)

Old Tolex

Sitting pretty here in Whore Know Ontario, writing things on the computernet. A visit to the local old things dealer brought me in touch with some sexy old tolex called Yamaha. She's dirty and needs some love, but I'm down with the sounds she makes. She's fit for the garage that I don't have. We'll make a good couple. I negotiated to get her for two thirds of her asking price because the input jack in channel two is busted, and the pots are filthy. Small deal. I like dirty dogs.

The Replication Factory

Recording here is going well. We drank many malted beverages on day one (day one stretched into day two for some). They boys knocked down the basic drum & guitar tracks for most of our tunes yesterday, so I've got to step up to the recording plate and hammer down the bass parts. I've done one so far, so six to go. Hanging out with seven party crazy dudes all weekend is the right kind of crazy. Everything is fun, but lack of women does make men do strange things. Balls are hanging out, sweet-cheeked teenaged girls are being asked over, and drunk guys hide beer from other drunk guys so that they can all get drunk together the next day. There was a debate over whether the girls at the Danish pastry shop are Dutch or Danish. Larry David was hailed as a hero of our time. An anthem was written. I received a free lesson in how to be a twit errr.... a twat? Sorry, I meant the benefits of twitting. People go mad for that shit.

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcn0f5s-aas
The Pixies - Tame (live)
http://vimeo.com/11219730
MIA - Born Free (music video)

My Name is Hurl

Hey trolls, all of my friends agree (what friends?). I look like total shit. Thanks virus, for making me feel like a loose turd. I woke up 25 minutes before my shift started today, and managed to shower and get there on time. I promptly coughed up a loogie as wide and thick as a toonie, which really impressed my co-worker. We get along well. She didn't share her rice crispy square with me today (understandably), but did purchase me a hot beverage so that I wouldn't die. Because working alone sucks.

I would rather have been here all day (Philippines)

Shawniqwa drove me down to the Hammer after a quick stop for vermicelli with spring rolls from Pho Linh (delicious). We borrowed some sweet microphones from my cousin, who happens to be cool as shit. Thanks again dude. A prissy young suburban thing behind the counter of a Jim Hortons was chewing out this old guy because he wanted his large size sandwich on a white bun. Genius there was really adamant that "large size white buns don't exist at any Tim Hortons anywhere, okay?". I wanted to tell her the obvious truth that the world is much larger than Hamilton, but knew that she'd eventually figure it all out. Probably after getting pregnant next year at age sixteen from a guy who drives a convertible and leaves her for a cock-tale waitress. I was willing to bet that the other timmies not 60 meters away probably did have the large size white buns that I've eaten many times.
Only in suburbia will you find marvels such as two separate but identical retail outlets within eyesight of each other serving the same thing. Or old-dude jogging clubs. The only condition for joining? Be old, run slow, and wear really tight pants that don't suit you at all. There should be rules of sale for fashion like there are for liquor, like maybe: if you are a male skeleton, don't wear spandex. Or if you already have three pieces of leopard print clothes, you can't buy any more unless you burn one of your current ones (preferably all of them). Perhaps maybe something to cut down on hipsters, like: you can't be served PBR if you are wearing either plaid or tight pants. I'm pretty sure most of you have better ideas than I do, but you suckers never leave comments, so whatevers. Listen to King Krule (or Zoo Kid -- his other stage name). DOO Itttttttt.

I'm going out of town for the weekend to record an EP with Sabez, so my daily rants will probably be even more sporadic and incoherent than usual. I love you all.

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9wLrAtcd6Y
King Krule / Zoo Kid - Out Getting Ribs (music video)

Kings of Cruelty

So I'm that guy again. This time I'm the guy who discovers a viral internet meme video months after it exploded, and way after everyone else felt that the laughs had expired from it. "'Nobody canna cross it?' Dude... this old guy I work with saw that last week and won't shut up about it. That was so summer 2011." Fuckin' hipsters. I don't work in an office okay? I lift nasty shit around all day and sell swill to drunks. The crackheads don't e-mail me this funny stuff, so I have to dig around in the depths of internet depravity to find it (or wait until one of my friends notices the blank look on my face when they reference it). Sorry.

Li River, China

Yesterday as I was trolling around Kensington market after a delicious and soggy tortilla soup, I was searching for a hot joint to snip off some of my shag in a fancy way, when a middle-aged native women stood next to me on the empty sidewalk. I was mid-text trying to arrange our rehearsal for the night when I noticed her presence just chilling there at my side. She said "I'm standing next to you because you are a warrior". I said 'that's cool', and I wasn't lying. How often does a complete stranger tell you that? I was also pretty sure she was thinking about trying to snatch my cellular telephone, and I had located my barbershop, so I bid her good day and marched onwards to victory. Or actually defeat, because this hip joint was booked solid for two days straight. Never accepting complete defeat, I managed to salvage a walk over to the liquor store, where I bought a big bottle of Jager, and if I hide it right, Mischman won't drink it all. Muahaa a sneaky ninja warrior indeed. I also spied an eatery of the type I hadn't seen since my few sparse days in China, where at Ajisen Ramen you can eat cheapass Japanese fast food (ramen, teriyaki, rices dishes, miso soup etc...) for cheapskate prices. Not high-end stuff, but grub for the gut that saves you money for more important things like musical instruments or liquor. Spadina Ave, just south of the El Mo. Or call me up and we can chow down together.

You can only order "Mexican Spicy Ketchup Face" in China. Sorry, I checked.

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xi1_GYahCSs
King Krule - The Noose of Jah City (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdsBiCAgOnc&feature=related
King Krule - Ocean Bed (live)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESy-Z8vqMrE
Orange Juice - Rip it Up (music video)

Nobody Canna Cross It

Rammstein made a porno music video. A music video with nudity and sex is just not quite a porno to me. What strangeness. "You have a pussy. I have a dicke. So what is the problem?". Honesty counts for something, right?

I clearly watch a lot of youtube videos, and have to admit that half the fun is reading the comments section. You could write a whole dissertation on the patterns of exchanges happening in that netherworld. A disturbing number of comments brag about what brought them to that particular video (why does anyone care?), many more are ongoing cyber battles that have almost no relation to the video on display, and then there is the cursory sardonic vitriol aimed at a currently commercially successful person. Shitty self-marketers, spam-scammers, and lovers make up most of the rest of the texts. It's sad how few of the comments contribute anything informative. I guess 'nobody canna cross it. Only the fisherman and fisher-oowman. Di bus can swim!'

If you need a laugh and a banging tune, click the DJ Powa link, and then the "nobody can cross it original video". Clifford Brown is just a local dude trying to help his community. But it's no wonder why so many North Americans dabble in patois. Jamaicans just know how to speak our language better.

Clifton Brown (Cliff Twang)

(still-frame taken from Prime Time News, Jamaica)

Clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXPxP9pPpiw&feature=related

DJ Powa - Nobody Can Cross it (Di Bus Can Swim) (remix video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-mqhkuOF7s&feature=related

Beirut - Elephant Gun (music video) --they play Toronto in July
http://www.undergroundbound.net/rammsteinpussy
Rammstein - Pussy (porno music video)

Tape it black

Recovery is at 90%. T-minus three sandwiches and counting. Roast beef and horseradish ought to do the trick. I'm getting more and more excited about the recording session this upcoming weekend. Things are faling in to place in a hot way; I'm borrowing some sweet microphones, our sound engineer is stoked, and I have a shiny new tambourine to dance with. It's odd that I've been mostly picking up my acoustic guitar when we're recording Sabez tracks, but inspiration is a funny thing. I'm really happy with these acoustic compositions that I've been coming up with lately. Stay de-tuned for possible clips.

The Dinosaur Bones show down at the Horseshoe the other night was pretty underwhelming. I thought I'd let it simmer in my brain for a few days before informing you. The last two tunes were good, but otherwise it was a pretty un-energetic show. It's mellow music, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but given the quality of the N.Y.E track that I'd heard, I was expecting something more groove-inducing.

About a month or so ago, I came up with a sane idea to cover over all of the brand names and logos on my stuff with black electrical tape, because I own the stuff, it doesn't own me. I paid good money for that stuff, and never wanted the built-in advertising. I paid for function, and every single product slipped in some lame priming on me. The equipment all looks much sleeker without the branded clutter attached, and I feel mentally freer without being bombarded by advertisements within my own sanctuary. I urge you to try it, unless (or especially if) you're terribly vain and really need to remind all who visit that your goods were produced by a third party manufacturing firm under temporary contract by _________ corporation. If it's a sexy piece, that should be self-evident.

Canadian National Branding Expedition @ Shanghai World Expo 2011

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7e5g8wXE__Y&feature=related
The Beatles - Don't Let Me Down (live)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74&feature=related
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rlCNswKvk8&feature=related
The Beatles - Lady Madonna (music video)

Reminder: Get Chrome web browser and install AdBlock, it will make your daily internet adventures far more peaceful.

No way of knowing

I spent most of last night battling my body, which thought it ought to be inside out. Heaving to remove the bacterial nonsense that I mistakenly ingested is one thing, but when all is gone and there's nothing left to give, my body needs to chill out. I guess my super bowl experience came a night early. I'm all bruised and lethargic today, so forgive my lacklustre typing. Maybe it was caused by a biological attack from a former premier, who didn't take kindly to my unkind words towards him yesterday.

I had some good words with my brother today, who was extolling the virtues of Korea. Clean, high-tech, beautiful, efficient, stylish etc... Skype is such a wicked thing, everybody should have an account. Free video chats are such a good way to remain in contact. A friend of mine has been out of contact for awhile, but it seems we may get a chance to hang out sometime in the near future. Here's hoping.

I just figured out that these popular social-networking site updates of fashionable people that keep popping up for me are because these two creepy Korean girls that I know take photos of strangers and post them online. It's actually pretty cool: http://www.youjustgotspotted.com/

Who would want to shoot this majestic beast? Oh right, a fearful little creature.

(photo from bloggernews.net)

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_685Mft7bw
The Gandharvas - First Day of Spring (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWg8VNApMbE&feature=related
Rusty - Memories (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0wfu3tOrtQ
Fastball - The Way (music video)

White Boys and Suburbs

Last night was a bombastic explosion of fun jams, rehearsals and all around good times. I never knew just how fun it is to have a tambourine in your hand while shaking to good music. So fun in fact, that I missed out on a hot show by The Yuka down at the Holy Oak cafe. If you ever happen to hear some wicked funk/jazz jams spilling out of a venue in this city that make you want to groove and shake your thing, chances are that you are listening to The Yuka. Walk inside, let yourself become a marionette, and you'll start smiling. That's not even a money-back guarantee because they are so cool they probably won't even take your money in the first place. Buy them a drink if you can though; they'll appreciate it.

(photo courtesy of The Yuka)

Concerning my beloved hometown's poor reputation for friendliness towards strangers, a friend of mine and I were discussing the possible reasons for this. He made a good point that a huge proportion of people who purport to be 'Torontonian' are actually Etobicokian, East Yorkian, Scarberian, Auroran, or even Peterbouroughian. The 1997 corruption of our city (Bill 103) is how we find ourselves with another pigheaded mayor who claims to represent Toronto. Prior to that, there existed something called Metropolitan Toronto, which was more of a conceptual union between the city proper and its surrounding neighbourhoods/communities. It meant a loose organization of municipality, with more regional administration. Given the ass-backwardsness of some of our political structure here, despite being voted down by a 3:1 ratio in a municipal referendum, the provincial government at the time (led by a fuck named Mike Harris) chose to ignore the populace (it had/has no obligation to respect municipal-level decisions) and form what was branded as the 'megacity'. Hence the suburban vote which has little interest in the culture of the city (people who moved away from it, to sterile and distant lands -- in favor of money over culture), now holds political sway over the struggling, but still beating heart of the city. And that is also how people who are not culturally Torontonian think of themselves as 'from Toronto' and who falsely appear to represent us.

This is what a twat looks like.

(photo by Carlo Allegri) 

http://www.myspace.com/theyuka
The Yuka

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAWurnyKZUM
The Whitest Boy Alive - Burning (dance video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXwYJyrKK5A
Two Door Cinema Club - What You Know (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wrsZog8qXg&feature=related
The Postal Service - Such Great Heights (music video)

Turd Burglar Warning

Yes, I was that jackass screaming along to the Nine Inch Nails in my headphones while walking home at 3am last night... why wouldn't anyone want to high five me? I went a perfect 19 for 19 with them, which is a kind of disappointing quantity, but fucking ace perfect on the percentage. I got critiqued on my technique by a smokin' hot babe with very red lips at the Horseshoe, but I wasn't mad, she had a good point about needing to get that perfect cupping sound to achieve full effect. She also instigated our high five(s), which made her even more sexy. I counted all three of ours towards my total, because there are no rules to counting high fives.

I scored a sweetass pair of Japanese binoculars from an antique shop today; at a discounted price because I went out and bought the shop-lady a large double double. I love Canada. I spent a while trying to research information about them (I bought them on impulse because they had excellent optics and I'm a sucker for that), but the after-effects of last night's malty beverage consumption made this task more difficult. They're branded as 'Apollo', but there is zilch info about that company on the world slim web. Based on the codes stamped into it, they were made by a guy name Myoko Kogaku in the 1960's, then re-sold as a tasco subsidiary (before that company turned to selling turds). You also appear to not give a shit about any of this.

This Toronto photographer posts a cool new photo every day:
http://wvs.topleftpixel.com/

You should set your web browser to open it as one of your homepages (tabbed). This brings me to the point that a lot of you webdweebs are using weak browsers. Google Chrome is far superior to both Safari and Firefox because it loads pages faster, has a sleeker interface, better features, and you can load free apps into it, such as adBlock (which is a must if you actually click my youtube links--no more stupid pop-up ads that block your view and wash your brain with dirt). Call me an asshole in the comments section (you won't), but make the switch and you just might want to kiss me (I reserve the right to decline your potential offer).

Awesome image courtesy of Mr. Hipp: http://mrhipp.tumblr.com/

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31jenMJ0UOc
Nine Inch Nails - Every Day is Exactly the Same
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xPQ16Asyoo
Johnny Cash - I Still Miss Someone (live in Prague, 1978)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb4qyuR7_cc
Nine Inch Nails - Hurt (live)

"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking" - George S. Patton

Slacktivism

I've been listening to the magic of Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness with great fondness this week. What happened to epic double disc albums? Now that everything is available in .mp3 format and recording is more available than ever, are we incapable of creating massive, flowing albums? Is this the era of twatty tweeting; seeping its corrosive message into our consciousness, where we feel that anything longer than 140 characters is too long to hold our attention? I don't feel that way, but I'm not one of those self-described ADHD excuse makers riddled full of pills to keep me productive. I'm unproductive on my own terms. I underplay the reality that some people legitimately have mental health issues, but also know that once a script is internalized, a self-propelling prophecy is created that may never have existed, or wasn't nearly so solid until accepted as a 'medical condition'. I've known for some time that the biggest hinderance in my life would be my own expectations... Even still I have to remind myself that nothing is as solid as it seems, and we all contain the power to alter our conditions. As the saying goes: 'shoot for the moon, so that even if you miss, at least you'll land among the stars'. You're just a bunch of banana crazy monkeys.

If you see this as unattainable, you've all but secured it as such

Tonight: Dinosaur Bones play at the Horseshoe Tavern, 9pm - $10.50

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruc1jTK2H_s
The Kills - Black Balloon (music video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaEcR1J9Az8
Hayden - In September

Big Hits on the Cymbals and Drums

I've just returned from a serious jazz concert at Koerner hall, featuring the likes of Joe Levano and Esperanza Spalding. It gave me further proof that two drummers can form the backbone for incredible rhythm section possibilities. It makes perfect sense, as drum circles and tribal rhythms combine many people beating things to create intricate layers of timing and texture. Why wouldn't those concepts mesh just as well in a rock setting? So long as they are wiling to work in cooperation, and with restraint, the potential for epic and complex rhythms far outweighs the drawback of less spotlight. The Joe Levano Us Five band is definitely jazz and not rock, but their demonstration made it even more clear to me that I want to be a part of something that big.

Joe Levano Us Five (Koerner Hall, 2012)

Clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCNTYi9fHuo

The Cribs - Men's Needs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQXn5ba0aT8
Manu Delago - Hang drum solo