My Name is Hurl

Hey trolls, all of my friends agree (what friends?). I look like total shit. Thanks virus, for making me feel like a loose turd. I woke up 25 minutes before my shift started today, and managed to shower and get there on time. I promptly coughed up a loogie as wide and thick as a toonie, which really impressed my co-worker. We get along well. She didn't share her rice crispy square with me today (understandably), but did purchase me a hot beverage so that I wouldn't die. Because working alone sucks.

I would rather have been here all day (Philippines)

Shawniqwa drove me down to the Hammer after a quick stop for vermicelli with spring rolls from Pho Linh (delicious). We borrowed some sweet microphones from my cousin, who happens to be cool as shit. Thanks again dude. A prissy young suburban thing behind the counter of a Jim Hortons was chewing out this old guy because he wanted his large size sandwich on a white bun. Genius there was really adamant that "large size white buns don't exist at any Tim Hortons anywhere, okay?". I wanted to tell her the obvious truth that the world is much larger than Hamilton, but knew that she'd eventually figure it all out. Probably after getting pregnant next year at age sixteen from a guy who drives a convertible and leaves her for a cock-tale waitress. I was willing to bet that the other timmies not 60 meters away probably did have the large size white buns that I've eaten many times.
Only in suburbia will you find marvels such as two separate but identical retail outlets within eyesight of each other serving the same thing. Or old-dude jogging clubs. The only condition for joining? Be old, run slow, and wear really tight pants that don't suit you at all. There should be rules of sale for fashion like there are for liquor, like maybe: if you are a male skeleton, don't wear spandex. Or if you already have three pieces of leopard print clothes, you can't buy any more unless you burn one of your current ones (preferably all of them). Perhaps maybe something to cut down on hipsters, like: you can't be served PBR if you are wearing either plaid or tight pants. I'm pretty sure most of you have better ideas than I do, but you suckers never leave comments, so whatevers. Listen to King Krule (or Zoo Kid -- his other stage name). DOO Itttttttt.

I'm going out of town for the weekend to record an EP with Sabez, so my daily rants will probably be even more sporadic and incoherent than usual. I love you all.

Clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9wLrAtcd6Y
King Krule / Zoo Kid - Out Getting Ribs (music video)